Letting go

Today really isnt seeming like a positive day. It hasnt actually been bad at all, but the bits that are going up here are all ending up negative, because I am thinking about getting rid of some dolls. And thats rather sad. I have in the past had dolls that I just havent bonded with, but Ive usually found a way around it. My wilkinsons style stars doll is about to start a new life with the supernaturals, and one doll who happens to have a green skin tone is a tree sprite in a trolls swamp cave set Im constructing. Unfortunately, that isnt alwas going to work. I bought a large doll, about 20″, in a previous foray into the world of larger dolls, and I chose poorly, because we really havent clicked. The clothes I planned for her were all on hold until I got a sewing machine, so thats barely progressed, and now i have Emily. Looking at the older doll through the filter of Emily, shes lost any appeal she had. Her head is huge, and not in a good way, shes made from cheap materials, all her joints are too loose for posing, I dont like her face. It makes me feel really bad for her, because I loved her in the shop, I had such high hopes. And now shes going to go to the charity shop. That seems like a sad fate for a doll,ca real rejection, but theres no point in trying to sell or trade or pass her on to another doll collector or anything like that. Noone would want her, shes just a giant version of the sparkle girlz dolls, and she definitely lost something in translation. I feel awful though. Truly awful.
Ive also got rid of an older attempt at a small dollhouse. I bought one in a charity shop and tried to repaint, but painting really isnt something I excel at, and now Ive found some much better techniques its just more clutter. Thats going in the bin, I basically wrecked it. Im contemplating a similar fate for a larger dollhouse repaint attempt too. Its a barbie size, and even though I put hours of work into it, i added a wall and hand painted the wallpaper pattern with toothpicks….. Its just not very good. And I live in one room, space isnt something going spare around here. The main thing that holds me back on that one is being judged. I mostly keep my doll interest away from family, but my mum has seen that one. Its too big to put away in a drawer. If she knows I got rid of it, shell say it was wasteful of me to get it. I dont think it was, I got so many hours of occupation out of it, but she can be kinda…. Harsh. I really hate getting called some of the things she says. My least favourite are idle, destructive, spiteful, and dishonest. Im pretty sure she could work most of those in there if she wanted to. I wish I could say its not her business, but I cant really.

And finally, Im considering arranging the departure of one of my Jolinas. I love them both, but they are almost identical, and I dont see the point in having both. One of mine is the learning music doll, and her joints are a little stiffer because she has an arm that moves with electronics and plays a tune. The speaker is on her tummy, so she can only wear tops that cover it, and I dont actually value the music feature at all because Im always very paranoid about putting batteries in dolls. I think I could sell her, but she’s missing a few bits from her original set, and obviously theres no longer a box, so Im not sure if shed be popular. I might try, I really want her to go to a loving home. If I cant be sure thats where shes going, she stays here.
Im even kinda having feels about my disney collection right now because I dont do anything with them, at all. Im not getting rid of them, but I need to work something out.
Also, Igenuinely dont know how much of what Im feeling right now is just good ol’ depression. I wont do anything unless aim sure I wont regret it, but that giant sparkle girl really has to go

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